Why Can I Only Orgasm by Myself?
When reaching an orgasm by ourselves, we know exactly what, how, when and where we like it. But bring in participant number two, and it seems to all go out the window. You find yourself drifting further and further away from pleasure town, and your partner starts to moan about cramping fingers or a numb tongue. But, don't worry, vulvas of the world, we have all been there, and thankfully this is completely normal, and there are solutions.
Why is it happening?
Most of the time, it will be one of the following reasons. First, you are too in your head and not focusing on the here and now, not communicating how you like to be touched or stimulated. Lastly, you are putting too many expectations on reaching the big O instead of enjoying the pleasure in the moment.
We still believe that reaching an orgasm is the key to a successful and pleasurable experience. You know that saying, 'It's not the destination, It's the journey.' well, that is the perfect way to explain how we should view a successful, pleasurable experience between two people. We live in a world where everything has to move so quickly but don't let your sex life follow suit to that.
Finally, it's your responsibility to understand your own pleasure, and then you can teach your partner what feels good for you and vice versa.
Things to start exploring
Is it me, or is something else up?
First, it's important to ensure nothing else within the relationship might be standing in your way. For example, are you stressed out, are you getting everything you need from the relationship outside of sex, or are there any nervousness about how you communicate with each other? If something is off balance, it will affect how you respond in the bedroom.
Get to know your body.
Next, you will have to do some alone time homework. Pay close attention to how your body responds to certain stimuli during solo masturbation. This could involve paying close attention to your thoughts, fantasies, smells, sounds and rhythm. Once you understand them better, you can share this with your partner and take them along for the ride.
Feel free to do some show and tell.
Now it's time to teach your partner how to touch you or even what they need to do for your arousal levels to increase pre or during masturbation. Remember you both can't read each other's minds, so make sure to give prompts, ask questions and even move their hands, mouth or body for them and guide them close to what you want. Trust me, this is super sexy when put into practice!
Rewire your brain.
Our brains and bodies, genitals in particular here, are very much connected. When we are so used to reaching an orgasm by ourselves, it becomes second nature because we have been wired to think that way. So through repetition and rewiring, we can begin to train our bodies and minds to have a different outcome. Of course, this takes practice, but I'm sure you'll agree it's worth it in the end. So going back to point number two, work out what you like and start implementing that with your partner repeatedly.
Almost at the finishing line.
Lastly, if you are struggling to make it work, another technique is to engage in solo masturbation and get yourself 90% of the way and then let them take over. Not only is this an excellent way for your partner to watch you and take notes, but it can also help you both engage in edging. Getting yourself close to orgasm and then pulling away. By doing this it can help increase the intensity of an orgasm it's also really sexy and helps to slow things down.
