Shibari with Conor Aphilia

I have always been into being tied up, pinned down, restrained and all that jazz, but it was time to take it to the next level. Shibari was always on my bucket list of things to try. 

I was super intrigued to experience what it would feel like to be suspended and restrained simultaneously. Would this feel pleasurable? Would it hurt? Could I even bare my body staying in one position? How would the rope feel against my skin? Looking at images online or on Shibari Instagram accounts always gave me a slight tingle inside. The idea of pulling a rope across sensitive areas of my body was exhilarating, and I've always enjoyed being the submissive one. It was time to explore this, so I booked a session with Conor Aphilia, a London-based Shibari Practitioner. 

I turned up at Conor's place for a couples session feeling extremely excited yet nervous, while my partner had no idea what to expect. We walk in, and I immediately felt at ease and comfortable. Conor had created a warm, welcoming space that I instantly wanted to throw myself into. The room was softly lit, and piles of rope lay neatly wrapped on the floor. It immediately felt like a safe space. 

Conor began with a short introduction to their work, precisely what Shibari was and what to expect from the experience. We then started with learning how to get familiar with the rope by doing a step-by-step guide on ourselves. I was blown away by how much control was established through a few ties. Then, after a few more examples and trial runs on each other, it was time for the moment I had been waiting for. The big suspension!

I joined Conor on the mat for what was about to be a truly unbelievable experience. He sat behind me and began placing my arms behind my back. My heart started racing, and I was conscious of a gym injury on my neck from the night before, so I tried to focus on breathing, not the pain. Conor worked quickly, and I could not move my upper body within a few swift ties. This is when the submissive side comes out, and you are entirely powerless, and at that moment, the blood starts to pump round my body, and I feel flush and excited. 

Conor then moved around to the front of my body, tied my legs, and placed me swiftly but carefully into a lying position, ready to be lifted. I became very anxious here, and as I started to feel my body leave the ground, I felt the rope dig into my legs and arms. Jesus Christ, did this hurt! But it wasn't for long, and then I was completely upside down. Putting your entire being in someone else's hands was scary, but I trusted Conor and tried to remain present. 

Once entirely suspended and upside down, my entire body went into shock, and I began to breathe very heavily. Then, my mind and body went completely numb, and I experienced a feeling I had never felt before. It's hard to explain, but the only way I can describe it is you quickly surrender to the pain and, eventually, enjoy it. I felt all the blood rushing around my body, the rope digging in all around my legs and waist, but it felt good once I breathed into the pain. If you have ever had a tattoo and, after a while, started to enjoy the pain, that's exactly how this felt. I also had this feeling of being entirely alone come over me, which, again, I found pretty comforting even though I knew there were two other people in the room. It was like I was the only one existing at that moment. My mind went blank, and my entire focus went straight to listening to my body and what was happening inside rather than what was happening around me. 

Conor was great at knowing my limits and how long to leave me in certain positions, making the whole experience feel safe and enjoyable. Once I was let down, my body went into shock, and I began to shake, so Conor kindly made me as comfortable as possible with a pillow and blanket and let me lay until I calmed down. 

My overall thoughts were that it was an unusual yet thrilling experience. There were a lot of unexpected feelings that came up for me that I would love to explore again now I feel more prepared. But I imagine that stepping into this space will bring up something different every time, and you must surrender to those thoughts, feelings and emotions.   

An interview with Conor Aphilia - Shibari Practitioner

About Conor

Conor is a Shibari-focused Swer and creator. Rope is an extension of his broader K1nk interests and is rooted in a desire to explore nuanced and often challenging states. Regularly working with beginners and those new to the practice, his style has been informed by his professional experience and led him to develop an intentional and body-centric approach to Rope. 

For Conor, Shibari is a tool for physical communication, and each encounter is a dialogue that never presupposes a person's capacity or physical ability. His approach to aesthetics, compositions and patterns is determined by the requirements of the scene and the people involved. The objective of rope is the creation of new emotional spaces in which to navigate emotional states in a safe and exciting way.

What is Shibari, and what does it mean to you?

Shibari is a form of rope bondage with its roots in Japan. This body-centric practice incorporates aspects of Somatic Bodywork, Breathwork, and BDSM to access and release non-verbal tensions and stresses held in the body. Shibari provides a safe space for exploring pain, suffering, joy, and sorrow, and can be either cathartic and intense or sensual and embracing.

What should be expected from a professional Shibari Session?

Don't be intimidated by the advanced images you see online when it comes to Shibari. Remember that Shibari is a tool for physical communication and the positions and patterns are unique to the two people involved. Other than having your boundaries respected and rope put on your skin, you should enter with as few expectations as possible. 

One thing people should know before trying Shibari?

Before trying Shibari, it is important to understand that safety is a shared responsibility, and that open and honest communication is key. Without frank communication before, during and after a session, it is impossible to ensure that everyone has had a good time. Shibari can be a truly transformative and beautiful experience, but only when practiced with the proper respect.

Book a session with Conor below 

https://www.londonshibari.com/