A guide to your first threesome: The good, the bad & the ugly
Having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies, yet making the first move or even suggesting it to a partner is still somewhat taboo. There are many obstacles when inviting a new person into the bedroom, especially around boundaries, jealousy and who exactly to get down and dirty with.
Whenever I have heard about couples exploring threesomes, it was always a similar story "It just kinda happened with a friend one night", but that wasn't the case for me. My partner and I had already been exploring online adult parties and the Feeld dating app together to make new friends with similar interests to ours but just as potential friends. However, one conversation led to another, and we both decided it might be fun to explore playing with other couples and potentially explore threesomes.
We ended up engaging with an individual on the online community KK (killing kittens), designed for dating and sex parties in a shame-free environment. One thing led to another, and we invited her for an adult sleepover.
So let me guide you through the most commonly asked questions around threesomes and give you some first-hand experience of my own along the way.
Making sure it's what you both want.
This is the most crucial part of sexual exploration in a couple. Talk about it over and over again with each other. Allow each additional space to think about the decision and always be respectful of each other choices. My partner and I had long conversations about what this would do for our relationship and what we wanted to get out of it, and we even spent weeks contemplating it back and forth until we both were on the same page.
Setting boundaries but being prepared for them to change.
Before our wonderful guest arrived at our place for an evening of fun and pleasure, we engaged in many detailed conversations about boundaries. What I was comfortable with and vice versa. Here you have to go into detail so that there are no mistakes to be made. We found it beneficial to explain in great detail why certain things were off-limits so that we truly understand each other's concerns, wants and needs. A safe word is also great if you feel things need to stop.
However, do be prepared for things to change. The things you thought you might not want to happen may end up happening. It's ok to change your mind once you are in that environment, but if your partner said no previously, ask them if it's ok before you do it. Respect their boundaries, and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing yourself.
Remember to prioritise the needs of the person joining you.
Before this person arrives, ask them what they like and want to get out of the experience. They must feel welcomed and cared for; they aren't your sex toy! This has to be a pleasurable experience for them too.
Don't get too drunk!
Yeahhhhh, so I was so nervous I made the biggest mistake of drinking way too much. While it did help the nerves, it did mean I struggled with staying more aware and in tune with my body and others.
Protect yourself and stay safe
Whether you are a couple or a single person joining in, always protect everyone's sexual health and get tested and used protection. If toys are being introduced into the bedroom, then cover your toys with condoms and make sure to wrap them with a new one when entering a different body.
Dealing with jealousy
The critical thing to remember is that this is an experience to enjoy TOGETHER! You are doing this to explore both yourself and your partner's desires. Like anything new in sex, this is to enhance your experience. I never thought I would enjoy watching my partner perform sexual acts on another woman, but it was hot and turned me on so much that I can't wait to see it happen again. It was almost like an out-of-body experience where I could watch how he moved and what turned him on.
Checking in afterwards
This is the essential part of a threesome and sometimes the best bit other than the pleasure. Talk with your partner afterwards and discuss what you both liked, how you felt and what turned you on the most. Not only does this address any awkwardness, but it also gives space to what my partner and I like to call."The debrief" We love laughing and listening to what we found fun, exciting and surprising about the experience.
My top 5 tips for your first threesome
1.Talk before, talk during and talk after.
2. If it's not for you, don't force it. Never have a threesome to impress your partner. It will only end badly.
3. Everyone's pleasure is important. So don't leave anyone out.
4. Expect the unexpected, but always check in with each other. Remember, consent is sexy.
5. Protect yourself and get tested. Always ensure the person joining is also on top of their sexual health so everyone stays safe.
