What is sexual aftercare?
We talk about foreplay and sex but often forget what happens after sex and what should be happening to ensure our mind, body, and soul feel well and truly nurtured.
What is aftercare?
Aftercare is checking in with each other and caring for your mind and body. Once the sweat lovemaking has ended, and we eventually find ourselves out of that beautiful trance and back in the room, it's time to check out correctly or check back in wink wink.
Now I know for some, this may sound very meaningless and trust me, I've been with men who have laughed in my face after trying to check in after sex, but this is a crucial part of the whole sexual experience.
A study from 2014 found that affectionate behaviour after sex had associations with higher sex and relationship satisfaction and therefore is proven beneficial.
What does aftercare involve?
Putting this into practice has many benefits, including all of the following.
Sex is a very intimate activity that brings up many emotions—some good and some bad, depending on the person and their experiences with sex in the past. So it's essential to communicate and ask how each other feels post-play in case feelings of shame, worry, or sadness have surfaced. This is called postcoital dysphoria (PCD), also known as "post-sex blues." Communication will help build closeness, understanding and a better bond within couples.
Discussing what worked and what didn't work. This is a key element of aftercare for two reasons. Firstly, it gives you both an opportunity to express positive reinforcement and may even lead to more intimate time or laughter. Secondly, discuss what didn't work for you. For example, there may have been moments during sex where you didn't speak up, so now is your chance. Your partner is not a mind reader, so if something doesn't feel good, make sure you express that and make suggestions for the next time. This only leads to better sex for both of you!
Next up is physical aftercare, and this will look different for everyone. Some may need more physical attention, like hugging or kissing, while others require a moment or a few hours to recalibrate. Again, however, it's essential to manage both partner's needs. Remember, if someone needs space, like laying alone without being touched, it doesn't mean they want to run for the door. It's just necessary to use your words and reassure the other person of your needs and then make time for both.
Lastly, it's important to look after your body after sex, which may involve peeing, hydrating, showering, cleaning toys, and eating something that makes you feel good. Mine is always snacks and a can of coke for some reason.
Aftercare is important for many reasons, and putting it into practice will only benefit you, your partner and the future of your sex together. Trust me, it doesn't have to be this awkward thing and will absolutely NOT ruin the moment. Just start putting it into practice; it will come as naturally as the sex itself.
